Unanswered Prayers

True confession: Does anyone else roll their eyes when they hear this song?

I mean, I get it. Sometimes we don't know what's best for us.

Except, really, deep down, I don't believe this.

I can't be the only one, right? I'd venture to say that most of us think God has given us a strong, sturdy set of shoulders and a bright, capable, brilliant mind that can easily solve all our problems. It's the American way, isn't it? Don't we embody the "Pray for God's will & work like hell to make it so?"

I think so.

...and also, when God does answer my prayers, I think I'm doing something really right & am totally on the right track & ready for sainthood. Anyone else? Anyone else think they are a miracle worker?

So, this week is my *dawning* of the trust in God's capable hands and be *awed* by the results:

A few months ago, my friend was having a routine doctor's appointment and she mentioned 2 lumps in her neck that she'd noticed. The doctor ordered a biopsy. ...and then we waited. She asked for our prayers, and so I prayed that the tumors would shrink indicating [of course] that there was no cancer and that God is powerful and can do awesome things.

...they didn't. But, they also came back negative for cancer. So, YEA!

In meeting with her doctor a few weeks ago, it was determined that the best thing given the size of the masses and her age [which is my age! not old!] was to remove not just the lumps, but her entire thyroid.

More prayers: Operation went awesome. YEA!

...and then, before she was released, she found out that there were early signs of cancer on her thyroid. Not in the tumors. Those apparently were just a by-product...a warning sign to get my friend's attention because there was something happening undetected in her body.

Unanswered prayers. If her tumors would have shrunk, they wouldn't have been removed. If not removed, the cancerous thyroid would have remained...and who knows what we would be talking about in a year from now?

The awesome news? We don't have to wonder. In an incredible, unbelievable, un-asked for way, God provided for my friend with 3 young kids. ...because God is powerful and can do awesome things.


[so, I surrender, God. I will present my requests to you, but above all, I will seek your Presence - and believe that your silence is still a provision of your Goodness....]

Ordinary Time

Well, it's back to the grind...and I can tell you that I am feeling it. Feeling in the deep, dark recesses of the heart type of feels. Feeling the creeping anxiety of what will happen this year? ...and mostly, feeling lonely. empty. ...and wondering if that deep desire of my heart will be fulfilled this year.

I can tell you that our Christmas season was wonderfully fulfilling. I came away from my 10ish days in Iowa feeling that during the visit time was "fulfilled"...thoroughly, used up, and well-spent. It wasn't always pretty, and it certainly wasn't always smooth or joyous...but, it was so well-used. Like if you'd taken a cloth of our ten days and soaked it, and then wrung it out - you'd get no more drops of water out of it.

I don't really feel like that here. I feel like I am passing time. I feel like I am using time, and sometimes well, and sometimes just waiting around for that next thing. ...and I don't like it. That's not how I want to feel...but, I really don't know how to change it, either.

Yesterday, I acutely felt the loneliness of where I am. I know of no other way to describe it - except it's like travelling on your way and the wind just gets completely knocked out of you - and takes your breath away and bowls you over. You didn't see it coming; you just feel it.

There were 2 four things that really struck me yesterday while I was running and praying the rosary.

1. The words of Gabriel to Mary describing Elizabeth's miraculous pregnancy: For nothing is impossible to God.
2. The words from the psalm: Open wide [your mouth] and I will fill it.
3. A reflection from Advent that asked this question: are you a mountain to be brought low or a valley to be filled? In Isaiah, God speaks of filling in the valleys and smoothing out the mountains. I'd never considered this to be a "heart" or people verse, always taking it literally. I currently feel like a valley...but also like a mountain...and probably most like the mountain who needs to get some rough edges smoothed out, and self-importance brought down.
4. Jesus was ready to start his ministry at age 12. Yes, really. He stuck around Jerusalem after the Passover because he was ready to get started on 'his mission from God.' (to quote the Blues Brothers) He was ready to sit down with the scribes and Pharisees and get to work. After all, that's what the good Jewish boy did. But, that's not what Jesus did. When Mary and Joseph came frantically searching for him, he didn't defiantly stand his ground and say, "Can't you see that I'm ready? Don't hold tight to me, woman! I must be about my Father's business!" He went home. He returned with them, lived with them, and submitted to their authority as his parents. The result? Jesus grew in stature with men and with God. ...and he waited 28 years to start his ministry.

Wow. I thought the 11 year wait from the first bouquet I caught until I *finally* got married was long. [also, I think a lot when I run, apparently]

So. What do I do now in ordinary time? I wait. I seek God. I let him fill me up; I let him smooth me out; I love others...and I keep watch...and I focus on today - my daily bread.

Plan B is for blessings

Today is a "milestone" birthday for me...35.

My parents' 35th birthday is one I remember well. They decided to have a big party at our machine shed. We roasted a pig, there were kegs, I think they rented port-a-pottys (memory's getting fuzzy at this age), family and friends drove hours, and later after we kids were tucked in bed - the adults took a hayride that has lived in infamy and will go down in Orient legend.
...and I was in 6th grade. When my parents were my age, they had an almost 12-year old, and an 8 year old.

Yesterday, I asked my students this question during roll call: "What do you hope to have achieved by the time you are 35?" To a 20, 21, or even 22-year-old this seems light years away. The answers predominantly were be married or have a family. Some were 'have a job where I am far enough away from family, but can still visit them;' 'be successful enough that I can own my apartment in NYC;' 'own a house;' 'have started building my own house.'

If I thought of my own list at that age, it would have been hauntingly similar: be married and be a mom.

...and yet, here I sit at 35 and I have 'accomplished' only one of those 2 things.
...and yet, here I sit at 35, and I have accomplished far more things than that 20-year-old could have even imagined.
...and yet, here I sit and my arms feel empty, as though something is missing.

So, as I drove into work this morning listening to my "Meditation podcast" on the Laudate app, meditating on this morning's Scripture, the recurring theme I heard was "open my eyes."

And, I asked God to open my eyes to the blessings.

This is what I saw: the sun rising upon the Tucson mountains as I drove east; the clouds swirling around the peaks of the Catalinas as I drove north; the mountains cradling this city, which has become my home and place of a blessing to me.

I saw my phone with "happy birthday" messages from my mom, my mother-in-love, a friend from the past 25 years, and a friend I met through Dan five years ago.

As I walked, into my office, I saw this:

I thought, "I am so blessed to work with people who care about me." Then, I saw my 'Jessica' sign, and I thought, "I am so blessed to have worked with students who cared about me and recognized the value of my life in theirs - that they made me this amazing sign and threw me a going away party, 4 years ago."

...and my heart felt full.

Then, I saw Facebook messages from friends from all aspects of my life: from Orient, high school,  4-H, ISU, TRIO & MAEOPP colleagues, Cornerstone, Dan's friends that have become mine, my former students, my current students/alumni, Dan's students, Dan's family, my family, my soon-to-be family.

...and 20-year-old Jessica could never have imagined how blessed she could be at age 35.

She never could have conceptualized that sometimes you don't get your expectations - you get far, far more.

35-year-old Jessica has gained wisdom. 35-year-old Jessica has gained perspective. 35-year-old Jessica is grateful for each of those people who has taken a few moments to remember and celebrate her birthday. As I "like" each post, I whisper a thank you to each person and a special blessing for you in this year.

The blessings in life are those unexpected graces; the things you couldn't have planned on.

If you think my arms are empty, you should see my heart. It's overflowing with blessing and grace.

As the World Turns: recap of the past week

What have we been up to lately? Let's break it down by revealing all the dirty secrets stored up on my iPhone....

On Saturday, I led some communication and teamwork workshops for Sigma Alpha, the professional agricultural sorority. Shout out to my sistas! (I'm a proud Alum from the ISU Delta chapter) [right? aren't we the Delta chapter?] :)

I had such a fun time working with these young women and helping them process the experience and discover the importance of each member and how to encourage active participation among all involved. I look forward to working with them in the future.

 

 

On the way there, I did a dumb thing. I thought I was running late (I wasn't really).

 

I was driving east on a street where a parking garage is located right near the Student Union. All was well. Until I realized that I cannot enter the garage from my lane. I thought, "Ugh. I don't want to drive all the way to the Union to drive the circle and come back; that will make me late." I looked up and noticed a No U-Turn sign and reasoned that must only be when students are present because on this narrow street, congested with student foot traffic that would be dangerous.

 

So, I did a U-Turn, slammed the curb and came back down. As I drove toward the entrance, I noticed my car moving less efficiently. I hobbled into the parking garage and thought, "UM...I think I popped my tire." (I have never driven with a flat tire, so I wasn't quite sure what it felt like.)



 

Sure enough, it was popped.

 

So, I did the most logical thing and I took a picture and sent it to Dan (who was in Texas at the National Block & Bridle Convention) - and asked him to take care of it.

 

My amazing husband came to my rescue and called roadside assistance, the tire place and took care of all the details. God wonderfully provided a student at the retreat who wasn't in SA, is a current student of Dan's, and was able to be the go-between for me, Dan, and the tow-truck driver. I was so grateful to know I could just concentrate on the students I was with and everything would be fine!

 

 



 

 

Fall has come to our house! Above is our mantle. (Sorry I couldn't rotate it.) Below is the grapevine wreath I made with 2 garlands - one of fall berries and one of bronze, green, and gold sparklies. The wreath hangs in our carport on the brick which used to be covered with ivy (and then it was covered with dead ivy).



 

 

On Monday night, we carved pumpkins. We actually had 3... On the third, I was going to draw out the Wildcat face. Dan decided to do a Spartan rather than wait for me to draw it out...the Spartan did not turn out. So, then, he was going to carve the state of Michigan...and it ended up being a circle.

 

Oh well...we got lots of seeds to roast from the endeavor - which is the best part!

 

One thing I love about Dan is that he takes the initiative to scoop the guts AND roast the seeds. One of my TSFL clients is really into Halloween and posted the other day that the trick to great pumpkin seeds is boiling them first. So - we tried it and Dan is a fan!

 

Boil seeds for 12 minutes. Rinse in cool water. Toss with seasonings. We went with "Chex-mix Seeds" - tossed in Worcestshire sauce and Lawry's seasoning salt. Roast for 30(?) minutes at 350; let cool in oven.

Delish - and yes, I've been limiting my snacks of them...I could devour the whole bag if I wanted to - but I'm not.



Last but not least: Go out and VOTE on Tuesday!

If you live in Adair County, remember to VOTE ROHRIG!



Wednesday Wisdom

As I was reflecting and writing this letter to the editor (found here) about the lessons I have learned from my dad, I became overwhelmed with emotion.

The notion that people - individuals - have the power to change their life is a foundational truth that I have built my life around. I have chosen my major, my career path, and my husband based on this idea. The belief that people working together can change their communities guides my leadership principles and practices. I long to engage with others to bring about change - and I believe that working together changes will result.

Until reflecting on the lessons observed from my dad, I hadn't realized just how deeply my parents' lives and choices played a role in my development. ...and I almost started crying in the parking garage because I was so grateful.

After I wrote the letter, I was still feeling that deep gratitude of humility. At times like that, I often begin to ask, "Why me, God? Why did I get such great parents?" I think of the lessons gleaned from the lives of my parents and grandparents as my inheritance. Their character, habits and choices have shaped mine.

...and then, as I began to ponder "Why me?" It hit me.

This is not about me.

This is actually the inheritance that God intends for all. I stand upon the shoulders of those who've come before me, and those who came before them - because this is the inheritance of the elect. To walk with God, to be faithful to the call to be his friend - this is the commandment with a reward. Deuteronomy 7:9 - "He is the faithful God keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments."

My inheritance is not a special blessing upon me - rather, it is what God intends for all. His intention in sending Jesus to show us how to love, to live, to interact with the Father - was to bring about His kingdom on earth. When we have marriages and families and lives that are faithful, we bring about His kingdom on earth. Then, we pass along the inheritance of the saints to our children and our children's children.

May it be so.

Transformation Tuesday

Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know that last week I hit a milestone.
I FINALLY REACHED MY WEIGHT LOSS GOAL!

At official tally last Monday, I hit my goal weight right on the nose. After 19 weeks on the program, I lost 44.4 pounds and 43 inches. Those numbers astound me. It doesn't really seem possible. Especially when it hasn't been that hard! The program is so simple and easy to fit into our lives - but the way it has transformed my thinking over time is just incredible.

I am not the same person that I was at the end of May. In May, I was exhausted, frustrated, and powerless. I was exhausted because I wasn't fueling my body correctly (but had no energy to change) and I wasn't managing my stress well. I was frustrated because I thought I knew how to appropriately fuel my body and was doing that - and instead of losing weight, just kept gaining. The combination of exhaustion and frustration left me feeling defeated. I felt like no matter what I did, I could not change: in short, powerless.

I am SO thankful that my mom suggested that I try this program. I was skeptical that a program could work because nothing was working! I've done lots of programs in my life and have given up before reaching goal. She was right that this could be the one thing to turn things around for me.

I am SO thankful that Dan agreed to do this with me. We have both been able to make changes to our habits and see results. We have cheered each other on and kept each other focused on our priorities. He helped me get to goal.

I am SO thankful that this program paired me up with a free, personal health coach. Without Marie, I would have given up. I would have called it "good enough" about 7 pounds ago when my size 12s were all fitting, albeit loosely for some. I wouldn't have seen it through to completion. She kept me focused on what I wanted to create in my life - not just what I was trying to lose/undo. She taught me how to focus on my health and not just on the scale.

What I have learned most about weight loss through this journey is that what really matters (besides a good, safe, effective, and healthy program) is commitment. If there is no commitment to change, there will be no change. If you are already planning to cheat, you are sabotaging yourself. If you aren't willing to tell your friends or family that you are making healthier choices, then you aren't owning your choice to become healthier. You are letting others dictate your life choices. You may see success, but it won't be lifelong.

I had a rough month of September. I lost a total of 6 pounds. I thought I'd be at my goal by the end of the month, and instead I was 5 pounds away. I was really disappointed. I had become fixated on just reaching a number because deep-down, I just wanted to be done. I wanted to BE THERE already. I was fixated on a destination - not on a lifestyle.

What changed for me was that week's "Healthy Habit": breaking the yo-yo cycle. The image used to illustrate the yo-yo cycle and consumption with a particular number on a scale (or size of pants) is a rocking chair. As soon as you reach that goal - if you haven't determined that the changes you are making are for life, you will start to rock back up again. It may happen slowly, but it will happen.

However, if you focus on making those changes for life, you are emulating more of a racecar on a track. Your goal is just one stop along the way. When you reach goal (or near it), you set a new health goal to work toward.

This really helped me evaluate my attitude. I had wanted to be done; I had wanted to reach goal without having added a bunch of exercise. But, when I heard that, I realized my heart was in the wrong place. I wanted long-term health - not simply to tap the sign and then creep back up again. So, I am now running again - a few times a week. Is my goal to work toward a 5K? Sure. Really, my goal is to simply be healthy and be active. In addition to running, I do morning yoga - and still plan to do longer yoga sessions at night a couple of times. I walk during lunches when I can. I try to stand more and sit less. Choosing health doesn't have to be grand gestures.

If you want to lose weight and choose health - or know of someone who does, please let me know. I would love to help them.

Reppin' for Rohrig

For those of you not in Adair County, my dad, Brian Rohrig is running for Supervisor to represent Orient and southeastern Adair County. Many of you know that I consider my dad to be very influential in my development personally and spiritually. He is my life advisor. :) This post is the letter that was published in the Adair County Free Press this past Wednesday.

Recently, a friend asked me, “If you could choose to live in a small town or a big city – which would you choose?”  

Without hesitating, I said, “At this point in my life, a small town.” She was surprised given that I currently live in a large city. However, I could answer so confidently because of the lessons that I have learned from my dad, Brian Rohrig.

After completing his degree at Iowa State, Dad returned to our family farm in Orient. My parents believed so strongly in the value of higher education that even during the farm crisis of the 80s, as young farmers – they invested in college funds for each of us. The foresight and sacrifice of my parents, along with grants and scholarships, allowed me to graduate college debt-free.

However, it wasn’t enough for my dad that his kids could go to college. Working with the members of the Orient Men’s Club, he helped establish a scholarship program for other Orient graduates to pursue higher education.  Many O-M grads have benefited.

Dad’s belief in educating students in Orient motivated his service on the Orient-Macksburg School Board from 2006-13. As an O-M graduate, I am thankful for the opportunities and education afforded me. However, as small schools began consolidating and creating county-wide schools, I became skeptical that O-M could survive. My dad, on the other hand, was not. He ran for the School Board because he recognized the importance of the school to our community. His commitment to Orient was impressed upon me as result.

My dad demonstrated to me the importance of community involvement. Beyond his years of service to the Men’s Club, he also has served in nearly every leadership role and committee imaginable at the Orient United Methodist Church over the last 30 years.  His service extends beyond the Orient community to the county: Pork Producers, Farm Bureau, Corn & Soybean Association, and Gideons. He has served in leadership roles and on several state committees. He taught me that community service was not something you fit in to your schedule IF you have time; it is simply a necessary part of being a member of a community: you make time for it.

Early on, my dad showed me the value of integrity – doing what is right even when no one else is. In the early 1980s, my dad decided to start no-till farming, even when everyone else was still tilling their land. He did so because he recognized the value of preserving the soil. He understood that being a good steward for the future meant enduring some criticism and skeptics in the short-term.

As renewable energy became a buzzword, Dad noticed opportunities for growth. He initiated a partnership between the Adair Co. Corn and Soybean Association and Honda Motor Co. LTD for cellulosic ethanol research. As wind energy swept the land, my dad, acting with a group of others, decided to invest. Putting in hours of grant-writing and planning, they developed an opportunity for investors across the county to capitalize on our abundant wind resource. Where many wind-farms profit energy companies, Adair County has 8 jointly owned wind turbines that benefit our communities.

As I think upon these lessons, I realize that the #1 lesson that my dad has taught me is this: people have the power to change their lives. People working together have the power to change their communities.  These two beliefs guide my life – and they are why I encourage you to vote for Brian Rohrig as an Adair County Supervisor on November 4.

Jessica (Rohrig) Kiesling

I live for the applause-plause

Last Friday, at the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences Honors Convocation, I was honored with the A+ Advisor Award. This award is sponsored by the Alpha Zeta Honorary Fraternity, of which I was a member as an undergraduate at Iowa State. With this particular award, students select the advisor - by voting for their favorite advisor in the College.

Knowing that I received this award because of my students makes this very special. I am just so honored that they took the time out of their schedules to vote for me. It is just so humbling. I am just so honored and grateful.

So, to my students: THANK YOU for recognizing the effort that I put in to make your experience at Arizona better; THANK YOU for being you. I do work with some really wonderful students!

...and now, for your viewing pleasure - pictures from last Friday...as well as, a couple of ways that students surprised me this past week!

A student stopped by the office on Thursday with this for me. There was a bake sale on the first floor of our building. When she saw two cupcakes, she decided to buy one for herself and one for me. I was so touched that she thought of me! Sometimes students really surprise me in the most wonderful ways.
[and for those of you following my health journey - no I did not eat this; I shared the joy with another.]

...and this showed up last week, too. So much thoughtfulness! 

Jess the Seam Ripper

This weekend I took on the largest challenge I have ever confronted in the sewing room. A dress. With pleats. Darts. Interfacing on the collar & armpits. Zipper. My first attempt to sew from a real pattern (not someone's blog) since high school.

And.

I.

Conquered.

Of course, the victory came at the expense of a few yards of thread. The d*mn bobbin just wouldn't thread right! I also ripped out quite a few seams as I experimented and figured out what I was doing.

Yes, I was following a pattern. But, the pattern was a bit confusing, at times. I had my trusty iPhone at my side to look up unfamiliar terms like "stay stitching" and "understitching," as well as to watch videos about how to sew a dart, and read a play-by-play tutorial about sewing in a zipper.

This is the first time I've sewn a major project without my mom by my side to turn to for questions. ...and, I'd do it again. :) I actually learned so much about sewing - and myself - through this project, that I would not have if I had my mom to turn to every time I had a question. I wouldn't have sought out the answer; I wouldn't have tried; realized the problem; ripped out a seam; started over. I would have been harder on myself - expecting perfection rather than just seeking to learn.

The biggest lesson that I learned was this: "perfection is the enemy of good." I could easily obsess over tiny details - making sure everything lined up just right...and lose sight of the importance of just sewing. If it was screwed up so badly, well, I could rip out the seam. But, most of the time, it wasn't. One of the major 'issues' I came across is hardly noticeable in the final project. Moral of the story? Sometimes, you just need to sew - and keep pressing forward.

There is some back-story on this dress. (When isn't there a back story when I'm involved?) I set out to make this dress last March - for Easter. Then, I ran out of weekends, and then I got sick. At the end of May, I thought I'd give the dress a shot. Then, I took my measurements...and then I got sick. (figuratively, this time) I was shocked at what my actual measurements were - and that none of them matched anything on the pattern. When I bought that pattern, I thought that my measurements would match up. Nope. A big, fat NOPE.

Now, however, after losing 35+ inches (and pounds) since then, my measurements DID match up! I was a little cautious because I wanted to make sure everything would fit; I probably could have increased a seam allowance, or even gone to the next size down - but, I would rather have it fit (and be able to groove in it) than not.

So, VOILA! My first dress made all by myself!

Loneliness of the Unknown

Can I tell you about the AWESOME class that I had today?  As it is September 11th, I started by watching a video of footage from 9/11/01 set to "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)?" by Andrew Jackson. Then, I asked students to share not 'where they were,' but rather, "How has your life/the world been effected by September 11th?"

The answers were...wonderful. These students, now juniors and seniors in college, were grade schoolers in 2001. Imagine being a 7-10 year old and realizing something awful had happened, and seeing the heartbreak in your parents' lives - but not understanding. Some of my students lived in New York and New Jersey and had friends that lost parents. Some of my students have parents in the military who have since served multiple deployments. One was completely sheltered from the reality of the events. One recognizes that the effects of 9/11 may be that he will be drafted.

It was such a touching experience to share with them as they process what these events mean to them now, and how they have experienced life. Many mentioned that they felt their innocence shattered. One mentioned that because all she's known is a heightened sense of awareness that she is almost apathetic toward what happens around the world.

Several others talked about anxiety and fear that surrounds them any time they wait to board a plan or go through security at an airport. That statement made me wonder...if we think about our youth, they are much more anxious than youth of the past. I believe that we've seen an increase in anxiety disorders...and I wonder if there is a correlation.

It was interesting to share my experience with them because when the attacks happened, I was their age - in their seats. I was a 21-year-old facing my senior of college - and all the unknowns that come with it. One of my preceptors had said that it would be really interesting to experience 9/11 on a college campus - surrounded by all those people.

Yet, what I remember is feeling so alone. Yes, there were a lot of people around; yes, there were vigils; yes, there were prayer meetings. But...I felt alone. There was so much unknown in the first few hours - and the idea that something terrible had happened, that the world had just crashed - yet, here we were - living, breathing, experiencing a sunny September day - seemed so out of place.

My sense of security is my family; yet they felt so far away. My friends had no more answers than I. In that feeling of such loneliness, I spent the afternoon praying and doing a Bible study entitled "Becoming a Woman of Purpose." I think that response helped me handle the unknown, the loneliness, and the anxiety that would follow being an emerging adult in a situation entirely foreign and full of trepidation...with a sense of purpose. It certainly wasn't easy, but I felt like I had an anchor in spite of tumultuous waves.