It's so hard...to say good-bye...

Today is one of those days when the phrase, "I don't want to do this" is repeating in my head.

And, it is not that I don't want to move to Michigan...but, I really don't want to leave Tucson. I don't want to pick up from what I have grown to know, appreciate, and dare I say, love for the unknown.
...and my sadness is not about Michigan...it's about the goodbye here.

I just don't want to do it.

I came here as a stranger in a strange land - and I leave with such love in my heart for the people and the place that is Tucson.

The fact that I can say that is really quite a testament for what God has taught me in the desert. In some ways the desert has threatened to harden me - just like the sun bakes the ground into hard caliche. But, I have also learned to be receptive to the rain, to the word, and to realize that with just a little hope, a little care, a little consistency - life can flourish.

It has not been easy. The first year and a half I was so angry at being here - in this desert - so far from home...from what is familiar and lovely...and green and lush. When I returned back to the Midwest in June 2012, I cried for a solid 20 minutes while driving through the Minnesota/Wisconsin countryside because I realized just how far I live from all that I love and hold dear.

I identified strongly with the Israelites, who have just left Egypt bound for the 'Promised Land' - and suddenly find themselves in the desert. And, they were pissed. Where was God? Oh? He's in a pillar of fire and a cloud leading us? Then, why the hell are we in a desert? Why do we have to fight others for our land? I thought that leaving Egypt, life was just going to be all "milk and honey" - but no, first we have to fight off the blasted Egyptians [oh, yeah, God took care of them in the Red Sea] - but STILL. Now, we have to fight off others? Seriously? Can't we just go back? Wouldn't that be so much easier?

That was me. I didn't really expect moving or marriage or life to be so hard. ...and for a large chunk of our time here in Arizona, I felt alone - abandoned - forgotten -  in this desert. It has not been an easy four years.

But, a turning point came last year...after we did Marriage Encounter and started taking ownership of our health...and I came to this point of acceptance.  I stopped being angry at Tucson for what it wasn't.

It wasn't Iowa. It wasn't home.

But, if this phrase from the Psalms is true: "The Earth is the Lord's - and all that is in it" - well, then, it was part of God's country - albeit wilder and drier than the "God's country" I'd been used to. And, if Acts 17 is true that God has set the times and places for us to live - then I was called to be here in this time, in this country.

...and as my heart softened, as my hands opened, my vision was transformed to recognize the beauty in the desert. I saw the streams in the desert and the times of refreshment that can come to the driest of places. I have seen the transformative power that just a little water can bring to a landscape. The colors that can appear overnight.

...and this place that was foreign, so different, so far from home - became my home. And these people who were so different from my people - have become my people.

Leaving is going to be much harder than I thought. I leave behind friends who have become my second family - and it's just as hard as leaving behind our families at the airport has been the last 4 years. We leave behind our first home - and I will miss this beloved little place.

We leave the place where Dan and I became a family. This place has shaped us into who we are and has a significant role in who we are as one. My heart is full and it's spilling out in tears of gratitude, humility, sadness, and love.

"When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he exclaimed, 'Truly, the LORD is in this spot, although I did not know it!'"  (Genesis 28)

 



Miracles in the Making: Jessica's journey

From the moment that Dan called me, I had a sense of calmness about the situation. Really, it was peace. I didn't know the answer - but I knew that we would be taken care of.

The first thing I did, before ordering a plane ticket, was contact a few family members to pray for Dan. In that same vein, I contacted my two 'medical consultants' - my aunt Barbara and cousin Valerie, who are some of the wisest medical practitioners that I know.

...and then I wondered if I should buy a ticket. ...and I wondered if I should do a direct flight or have a layover. After consulting with my dad who said it wouldn't matter if I got to the place 2 hours later, I decided to do the layover - so that I could fly out of Tucson. If I bought a direct flight, I'd have to drive to Phoenix and even though I had peace - I knew I couldn't make that drive.

So, my flight left Tucson for Dallas at 6am. I planned ahead and thought that I'd have plenty of time to get there. But, it's really hard to pack for a trip when you don't really know how long you'll be there or what you'll need. So, even though I thought I'd have plenty of time, I was pushing it.

...and then I took route to the airport with road construction. Upon arriving at the airport, I realized I didn't really know how to get to the long-term parking lot. ...and then I made two wrong turns. ...and the clock just getting closer and closer to 5:30 - which is about the time they say, "That's it - you're done!" and don't let you check in for the flight.

I got on the shuttle begging God to let me get on the flight. I bought my ticket through US Airways, so I got off the shuttle at the US Air ticketing place. I got up to the agents (thrilled there was no line), who promptly informed me that I needed to check in at American because my flights were on American. [shit!]

So, I ran to the American ticketing agents - which is on the other side of the terminal. [I'm super thankful that Tucson is NOT a large airport!]

...and then got in line (because of course there was a line!) I was starting to freak out. Then a woman asked if anyone was on the 6am flight. "I am!" She looked at me and said, 'oh, I'm not sure their still accepting passengers.' But - she put me at the front of the line.

At this point, the tears started coming. I knew it was my fault I was running late. I know I should have done more research to figure out where I was making that turn and just stopped trying to pack one more "just in case" item...but I couldn't take those choices back now.

The sweet ticketing agent called me forward and asked, "How are you doing today?" Choking back tears, I said, 'I don't know.' She immediately called the gate folks and made sure I got on the plane. Security was a breeze and I got on the plane - and wasn't even the last person.

*Sigh of relief*

I arrived in Dallas two hours before my flight to Houston. I found my gate and then found a Starbucks, since I hadn't even had my morning coffee, yet! I called Valerie; we had a great conversation and it came time to board.

I was in the last group. I waited my turn, handed my ticket to the agent, and she said, "UM - you're not on this flight."
"YES, I am."
"UM, you're going to Houston Bush - this is going to Hobby." [SHIT!]

The terminal screens in Dallas were so confusing to read, that I just found the flight going to Houston on my airline and at my departure time and assumed that was my flight!

SO, I ran back to the screen to find the terminal were my flight was departing. I was in B; my flight was in D. So, again, I ran [thank God I started training for a marathon] to the tram; waited; and then ran to the gate.

I arrived 4 minutes before departure time - knowing it was too late. I asked the woman at the gate anyway, "Have you already closed the gate?"
"Yes."
"Well, can you get me on another flight to Houston, then?" [She started working] "I didn't even realize that there were 2 flights heading to Houston at the same time; I've been waiting at the gate for the flight that was going to Hobby. I had no idea."
"Next time, you should look at the numbers."

...and then, the tears started coming. You're right, ma'am. Next time I should look at the numbers. This isn't my first time in an airport, but I happen to be a little distracted today because my heart is in another place and concerned about my person; my other; the one my soul loves.

She got me on the flight leaving 2 hours later.

...and then, I sat down and bawled for about 20 minutes. Right in sight of that agent who treated me with so little compassion.

Until this point, I had felt that flood of peace that surpasses understanding. I had been able, by the literal grace of God, to just focus on the moment - on what was known. ...and, now, the intensity of the last 18 hours flooded me.
My husband was in a hospital.
They might do surgery.
We don't know how long he'll be there.
My husband is in a hospital.

So, I cried it out.

Then, I treated myself to a delicious "Irish" dinner at Bennigan's - roast beef, potatoes, and cooked veggies. After all, it was St. Patrick's Day. It really was like eating my Irish grandma's Sunday dinner. Dan loves Bennigan's. They were playing classic rock - which reminds me of Michigan. Combined, this was reassuring *hug* - a connection to our loved ones; a reminder of God's care in the 'random' details.

 

Just like Grandma makes....

Everything turned out fine. Brianne, my wonderful host (and Dan's second cousin), picked me up two hours later than scheduled, and we got to see Dan that night. Adrenaline, and God's provision, saw me through that day.

Miracle in the Making: Dan's journey (Day 1)

So, it's been exactly a month since Dan found himself under the care of physicians at Houston Methodist and I was working my way to Houston to stay with him. I've had some requests for his story - and people wanting to know how he is doing, so I'll do my best to tell the story & give you an update.

Why in the world was Dan in the hospital?

Well, Dan got a sinus infection while on the trip. He left on Wednesday morning; Thursday evening when we talked, he was already congested and sounded miserable. Two days later when we talked and he'd had some good rest, he sounded a lot better. (yea!) ...then, he had two nights of poor sleep coupled with the stress of getting his students ready for their last contest and traveling around to different ranches and sleeping in different hotels...and by Monday (the day of the contest), he was pretty wiped out.

He took the students to the contest that morning, and proceeded to sleep for a few hours on folding chairs. His upper lip area (the part under the nose) was extremely swollen and a blister had developed on his lip. When he awoke, his fellow coaches said, "Dan, I think you need to see the doctor." He said, "Yeah, I think I'll go to Urgent Care." They responded with, "Um, you have gotten whiter as the day has gone on; you should go to the hospital."

So, he Googled a hospital near the grounds and drove himself to the ER. That hospital, Houston Methodist, happens to be on the largest medical campus in the world (shared with several others) and is one of the best. [Miracles in the making...]

The doctors at the hospital were immediately concerned with what they saw/found. His white blood cell (WBC) count was very low. When bodies fight infections, like his was, those numbers should be higher than normal. Dan's were the opposite. His face was very swollen - his left sinus area, upper lip, and around his mandibular gland. Initially, the doctors thought he had an abscess which would require surgery.

When Dan called me that Monday, I just knew that he was calling to tell me he was in the hospital. However, I assumed it was because he had a seizure...not all of this. I did not expect talk of surgery or for them to have no idea when he might be released.

Dan just wanted to be released. His journey was long and he wanted to be home. He wanted to leave the next day with his students. He wanted to come home to me. The doctors were against this.

So, I did what made the most sense to me: I came to him. I bought a ticket that would leave the next morning at 6am, and we would figure this out together.

#First-time Friday

I remember it well, the first time that I was called "fat." I was in first grade at my friend's birthday party. [which, I just realized was 28 years ago today] I was a first-grader with a bunch of second graders celebrating one of my lifelong friends...and then, this girl [Sarah Riedel] said to me, "You're fat, you know."

I wanted to say to her, "Yeah - and SO ARE YOU." [which she was] ...and then, it began.

But this post isn't about bullying, name-calling, body image dilemmas. This post is about over-coming.

Yesterday, someone - who doesn't know my weight loss journey - called me skinny. As in, "You're skinny - you can totally eat the rest of that cheesecake!" The first time...someone has ever looked at my body and said, "You're skinny."

This person is my student and has only known me for the past 8 weeks...and she doesn't see fat Jessica - she doesn't even know that Jessica. She sees a skinny Jessica. She sees someone who can - and should - totally eat that piece of cheesecake without thinking twice.


What's with the cheesecake?

Yesterday, one of my preceptors decided to bake cheesecake to celebrate my other two preceptors' birthdays. A white chocolate orange cheesecake with dark chocolate drizzle. It tasted as heavenly as it sounds. I ate part of it before class. Three hours after class, I was trying to decide if I should go buy a coffee to finish off the rest of it...standing on the steps of our building, pondering, when my students asked what I was doing.

I totally ate that cheesecake, by the way. Healthy habits are all about owning our choices! :)

For my other #first-time Friday...

Today, I ran four miles. FOUR. MILES. FOUR MILES. ...and honestly, for most of it, it felt pretty fantastic. My cousins and I are training for a 10k (#crazy) in May. When the opportunity arose, I knew I needed to jump on it. I have been looking for a new exercise goal, and wasn't really sure what I wanted to commit to. I will run...but I don't really like running. I will tell you what, though, I really like doing this with my cousins. It's our own thing; I love being connected to them and commiserating and celebrating. The four miles - that's just icing on the cake for me! 

Did I mention I woke up at 5am to get this run in? Here's part of the sunrise over the mountains.

Transformation Tuesday

Yesterday marked 8 months into our transformative journey toward Optimal Health - which is the ultimate goal of our health program. For those of you on Facebook, it might seem like the focus is on weight loss...and it is - for the first step. Most of us who need to get healthier first need to get to a healthy weight.

I thought I would mark the occasion by reflecting on things I've learned over the past few months.

Before starting this program, I thought I could work my weight off by working out. ...three times a week for 30 minutes. False. In order to effectively lose weight by working out (and not adjusting eating habits), a person needs to work out about 90 minutes/day, err-day. "Ain't nobody got time for that."

A pound is a pound is a pound. A pound of muscle weighs the same as fat which weighs the same as water. Because a pound is 16 ounces no matter what it's made up of. It's just that each of those materials take up room differently. So if you're becoming more muscular your clothes will fit differently because muscle takes up less room than fat, but you may not see a change in your weight.

Our program really works. There are 8 habits of health that we focus on during weight loss, which, when practiced (key word), not only help you lose weight - but also keep. it. off. I honestly was surprised when I went through birthday, Thanksgiving & Christmas/wedding seasons, and either lost weight/maintained - simply by practicing the habits of health. Did I enjoy a piece of pie? A slice of cake? (on multiple days?) Yes...but, the habits when practiced work. Shocking, right? :)

You will never arrive.

What do I mean by that? The key to building health into your life is to accept the fact that you will ALWAYS be working toward it. It's the same thing with holiness - you will only arrive at holiness the day Jesus welcomes you into heaven. We are not yet perfect - we are working toward it. How do we work toward it? PRACTICE.

What does practice look like? Continually setting goals, working toward them, and being gracious with yourself (but not making excuses).

Recognize that in each & every option, you have a choice.
Sometimes, my choice is to have a delicious Christmas-themed Leinenkugel's (seriously my favorite beer EVER!). Sometimes, my choice is to indulge my sweetie in a surprise dessert date. This isn't cheating - it's a choice we've made. Sometimes, my choice is to go for a walk at lunch even if it means walking alone. Sometimes, my choice is take a quiet moment and go pray twice a week. Whatever choice I make, I also choose to keep following the habits of health...and this makes all the difference.

A friend asked me once if losing all this weight is 'weird' - if I feel not myself.

I don't, actually. ...which, honestly, is weird. One of my fears in losing weight (for most of my life) was this question of, "Who is Jessica in a size blah-blah?" "I don't know what Jessica at 155 pounds is like."

Well, the truth is...I'm me. Still me. Still imperfect. My love handles didn't disappear (they are smaller, though). ;) My problem areas are still there, but smaller. I'm the same person I was 50 pounds ago - just LIGHTER...and HEALTHIER!

Now that my weight is in a good place, I am discovering other areas to grow toward health - namely, creating a healthy mind. Our transformation is never complete. We are always works in progress. :)

Two weeks ago, I decided to wear this fancy number to work. :)

Christmas 2013 & Christmas 2014 - only when I see pictures like this do I really see how different we look today!

Unanswered Prayers

True confession: Does anyone else roll their eyes when they hear this song?

I mean, I get it. Sometimes we don't know what's best for us.

Except, really, deep down, I don't believe this.

I can't be the only one, right? I'd venture to say that most of us think God has given us a strong, sturdy set of shoulders and a bright, capable, brilliant mind that can easily solve all our problems. It's the American way, isn't it? Don't we embody the "Pray for God's will & work like hell to make it so?"

I think so.

...and also, when God does answer my prayers, I think I'm doing something really right & am totally on the right track & ready for sainthood. Anyone else? Anyone else think they are a miracle worker?

So, this week is my *dawning* of the trust in God's capable hands and be *awed* by the results:

A few months ago, my friend was having a routine doctor's appointment and she mentioned 2 lumps in her neck that she'd noticed. The doctor ordered a biopsy. ...and then we waited. She asked for our prayers, and so I prayed that the tumors would shrink indicating [of course] that there was no cancer and that God is powerful and can do awesome things.

...they didn't. But, they also came back negative for cancer. So, YEA!

In meeting with her doctor a few weeks ago, it was determined that the best thing given the size of the masses and her age [which is my age! not old!] was to remove not just the lumps, but her entire thyroid.

More prayers: Operation went awesome. YEA!

...and then, before she was released, she found out that there were early signs of cancer on her thyroid. Not in the tumors. Those apparently were just a by-product...a warning sign to get my friend's attention because there was something happening undetected in her body.

Unanswered prayers. If her tumors would have shrunk, they wouldn't have been removed. If not removed, the cancerous thyroid would have remained...and who knows what we would be talking about in a year from now?

The awesome news? We don't have to wonder. In an incredible, unbelievable, un-asked for way, God provided for my friend with 3 young kids. ...because God is powerful and can do awesome things.


[so, I surrender, God. I will present my requests to you, but above all, I will seek your Presence - and believe that your silence is still a provision of your Goodness....]

Ordinary Time

Well, it's back to the grind...and I can tell you that I am feeling it. Feeling in the deep, dark recesses of the heart type of feels. Feeling the creeping anxiety of what will happen this year? ...and mostly, feeling lonely. empty. ...and wondering if that deep desire of my heart will be fulfilled this year.

I can tell you that our Christmas season was wonderfully fulfilling. I came away from my 10ish days in Iowa feeling that during the visit time was "fulfilled"...thoroughly, used up, and well-spent. It wasn't always pretty, and it certainly wasn't always smooth or joyous...but, it was so well-used. Like if you'd taken a cloth of our ten days and soaked it, and then wrung it out - you'd get no more drops of water out of it.

I don't really feel like that here. I feel like I am passing time. I feel like I am using time, and sometimes well, and sometimes just waiting around for that next thing. ...and I don't like it. That's not how I want to feel...but, I really don't know how to change it, either.

Yesterday, I acutely felt the loneliness of where I am. I know of no other way to describe it - except it's like travelling on your way and the wind just gets completely knocked out of you - and takes your breath away and bowls you over. You didn't see it coming; you just feel it.

There were 2 four things that really struck me yesterday while I was running and praying the rosary.

1. The words of Gabriel to Mary describing Elizabeth's miraculous pregnancy: For nothing is impossible to God.
2. The words from the psalm: Open wide [your mouth] and I will fill it.
3. A reflection from Advent that asked this question: are you a mountain to be brought low or a valley to be filled? In Isaiah, God speaks of filling in the valleys and smoothing out the mountains. I'd never considered this to be a "heart" or people verse, always taking it literally. I currently feel like a valley...but also like a mountain...and probably most like the mountain who needs to get some rough edges smoothed out, and self-importance brought down.
4. Jesus was ready to start his ministry at age 12. Yes, really. He stuck around Jerusalem after the Passover because he was ready to get started on 'his mission from God.' (to quote the Blues Brothers) He was ready to sit down with the scribes and Pharisees and get to work. After all, that's what the good Jewish boy did. But, that's not what Jesus did. When Mary and Joseph came frantically searching for him, he didn't defiantly stand his ground and say, "Can't you see that I'm ready? Don't hold tight to me, woman! I must be about my Father's business!" He went home. He returned with them, lived with them, and submitted to their authority as his parents. The result? Jesus grew in stature with men and with God. ...and he waited 28 years to start his ministry.

Wow. I thought the 11 year wait from the first bouquet I caught until I *finally* got married was long. [also, I think a lot when I run, apparently]

So. What do I do now in ordinary time? I wait. I seek God. I let him fill me up; I let him smooth me out; I love others...and I keep watch...and I focus on today - my daily bread.

Plan B is for blessings

Today is a "milestone" birthday for me...35.

My parents' 35th birthday is one I remember well. They decided to have a big party at our machine shed. We roasted a pig, there were kegs, I think they rented port-a-pottys (memory's getting fuzzy at this age), family and friends drove hours, and later after we kids were tucked in bed - the adults took a hayride that has lived in infamy and will go down in Orient legend.
...and I was in 6th grade. When my parents were my age, they had an almost 12-year old, and an 8 year old.

Yesterday, I asked my students this question during roll call: "What do you hope to have achieved by the time you are 35?" To a 20, 21, or even 22-year-old this seems light years away. The answers predominantly were be married or have a family. Some were 'have a job where I am far enough away from family, but can still visit them;' 'be successful enough that I can own my apartment in NYC;' 'own a house;' 'have started building my own house.'

If I thought of my own list at that age, it would have been hauntingly similar: be married and be a mom.

...and yet, here I sit at 35 and I have 'accomplished' only one of those 2 things.
...and yet, here I sit at 35, and I have accomplished far more things than that 20-year-old could have even imagined.
...and yet, here I sit and my arms feel empty, as though something is missing.

So, as I drove into work this morning listening to my "Meditation podcast" on the Laudate app, meditating on this morning's Scripture, the recurring theme I heard was "open my eyes."

And, I asked God to open my eyes to the blessings.

This is what I saw: the sun rising upon the Tucson mountains as I drove east; the clouds swirling around the peaks of the Catalinas as I drove north; the mountains cradling this city, which has become my home and place of a blessing to me.

I saw my phone with "happy birthday" messages from my mom, my mother-in-love, a friend from the past 25 years, and a friend I met through Dan five years ago.

As I walked, into my office, I saw this:

I thought, "I am so blessed to work with people who care about me." Then, I saw my 'Jessica' sign, and I thought, "I am so blessed to have worked with students who cared about me and recognized the value of my life in theirs - that they made me this amazing sign and threw me a going away party, 4 years ago."

...and my heart felt full.

Then, I saw Facebook messages from friends from all aspects of my life: from Orient, high school,  4-H, ISU, TRIO & MAEOPP colleagues, Cornerstone, Dan's friends that have become mine, my former students, my current students/alumni, Dan's students, Dan's family, my family, my soon-to-be family.

...and 20-year-old Jessica could never have imagined how blessed she could be at age 35.

She never could have conceptualized that sometimes you don't get your expectations - you get far, far more.

35-year-old Jessica has gained wisdom. 35-year-old Jessica has gained perspective. 35-year-old Jessica is grateful for each of those people who has taken a few moments to remember and celebrate her birthday. As I "like" each post, I whisper a thank you to each person and a special blessing for you in this year.

The blessings in life are those unexpected graces; the things you couldn't have planned on.

If you think my arms are empty, you should see my heart. It's overflowing with blessing and grace.

As the World Turns: recap of the past week

What have we been up to lately? Let's break it down by revealing all the dirty secrets stored up on my iPhone....

On Saturday, I led some communication and teamwork workshops for Sigma Alpha, the professional agricultural sorority. Shout out to my sistas! (I'm a proud Alum from the ISU Delta chapter) [right? aren't we the Delta chapter?] :)

I had such a fun time working with these young women and helping them process the experience and discover the importance of each member and how to encourage active participation among all involved. I look forward to working with them in the future.

 

 

On the way there, I did a dumb thing. I thought I was running late (I wasn't really).

 

I was driving east on a street where a parking garage is located right near the Student Union. All was well. Until I realized that I cannot enter the garage from my lane. I thought, "Ugh. I don't want to drive all the way to the Union to drive the circle and come back; that will make me late." I looked up and noticed a No U-Turn sign and reasoned that must only be when students are present because on this narrow street, congested with student foot traffic that would be dangerous.

 

So, I did a U-Turn, slammed the curb and came back down. As I drove toward the entrance, I noticed my car moving less efficiently. I hobbled into the parking garage and thought, "UM...I think I popped my tire." (I have never driven with a flat tire, so I wasn't quite sure what it felt like.)



 

Sure enough, it was popped.

 

So, I did the most logical thing and I took a picture and sent it to Dan (who was in Texas at the National Block & Bridle Convention) - and asked him to take care of it.

 

My amazing husband came to my rescue and called roadside assistance, the tire place and took care of all the details. God wonderfully provided a student at the retreat who wasn't in SA, is a current student of Dan's, and was able to be the go-between for me, Dan, and the tow-truck driver. I was so grateful to know I could just concentrate on the students I was with and everything would be fine!

 

 



 

 

Fall has come to our house! Above is our mantle. (Sorry I couldn't rotate it.) Below is the grapevine wreath I made with 2 garlands - one of fall berries and one of bronze, green, and gold sparklies. The wreath hangs in our carport on the brick which used to be covered with ivy (and then it was covered with dead ivy).



 

 

On Monday night, we carved pumpkins. We actually had 3... On the third, I was going to draw out the Wildcat face. Dan decided to do a Spartan rather than wait for me to draw it out...the Spartan did not turn out. So, then, he was going to carve the state of Michigan...and it ended up being a circle.

 

Oh well...we got lots of seeds to roast from the endeavor - which is the best part!

 

One thing I love about Dan is that he takes the initiative to scoop the guts AND roast the seeds. One of my TSFL clients is really into Halloween and posted the other day that the trick to great pumpkin seeds is boiling them first. So - we tried it and Dan is a fan!

 

Boil seeds for 12 minutes. Rinse in cool water. Toss with seasonings. We went with "Chex-mix Seeds" - tossed in Worcestshire sauce and Lawry's seasoning salt. Roast for 30(?) minutes at 350; let cool in oven.

Delish - and yes, I've been limiting my snacks of them...I could devour the whole bag if I wanted to - but I'm not.



Last but not least: Go out and VOTE on Tuesday!

If you live in Adair County, remember to VOTE ROHRIG!



Wednesday Wisdom

As I was reflecting and writing this letter to the editor (found here) about the lessons I have learned from my dad, I became overwhelmed with emotion.

The notion that people - individuals - have the power to change their life is a foundational truth that I have built my life around. I have chosen my major, my career path, and my husband based on this idea. The belief that people working together can change their communities guides my leadership principles and practices. I long to engage with others to bring about change - and I believe that working together changes will result.

Until reflecting on the lessons observed from my dad, I hadn't realized just how deeply my parents' lives and choices played a role in my development. ...and I almost started crying in the parking garage because I was so grateful.

After I wrote the letter, I was still feeling that deep gratitude of humility. At times like that, I often begin to ask, "Why me, God? Why did I get such great parents?" I think of the lessons gleaned from the lives of my parents and grandparents as my inheritance. Their character, habits and choices have shaped mine.

...and then, as I began to ponder "Why me?" It hit me.

This is not about me.

This is actually the inheritance that God intends for all. I stand upon the shoulders of those who've come before me, and those who came before them - because this is the inheritance of the elect. To walk with God, to be faithful to the call to be his friend - this is the commandment with a reward. Deuteronomy 7:9 - "He is the faithful God keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments."

My inheritance is not a special blessing upon me - rather, it is what God intends for all. His intention in sending Jesus to show us how to love, to live, to interact with the Father - was to bring about His kingdom on earth. When we have marriages and families and lives that are faithful, we bring about His kingdom on earth. Then, we pass along the inheritance of the saints to our children and our children's children.

May it be so.