Good Friday

The older I get, the more Good Friday means to me. I can't make it through a service without weeping.

The haunting chorus of "Were You There?"
The image of my Lord willingly handing himself over to be judged and convicted,
The vehement, hateful, blood thirsty cries from the crowd,
Creation recognizing the significance of the hour...

This lenten season hasn't been 'triumphant' for me. I would like to know if there are people who succeed in giving things up, or adding practices in - and the effect that being successful has on their spiritual life. Because, I am awful at it. AWFUL.

In fact, this year I recognized that I'm not really good at giving things up (and couldn't pinpoint any certain "practice" that would, if eliminated, bring me closer to God); so, I decided that I would "add something in." I decided that I would add in the practice of reading/praying/journaling 30 minutes before bed; technically, I would be giving up whatever I normally do in those 30 minutes (TV, facebook, pinterest).

Over the course of the past 40 days, I have been only slightly successful at observing that practice.
Instead what I realized about myself is that I am LAZY. I am unmotivated. I lack self-discipline. AND on top of all of that, most of the time, I'd like to just blame my husband for my lack of success in observing my Lenten practice...because that's how lazy I am. I can't even take the ownership of my own short-comings.

What did that lead to? A lot of guilt. A lot of realizing that something is missing in my heart...a desire that surpasses all others to spend time with my Lord.

So, on Good Friday, I came in with a heart full of guilt, sin, shame, and this recognition of emptiness.

In the first reading from Isaiah, I was reminded that he bore our guilt. Over and over in the passage from Isaiah, the description of the Messiah indicates that he will bear our guilt, sin - all of our iniquities.

During the service, I recognized that the man on the cross was my friend, Jesus. Unlike any other time in my life, I felt like I was observing the death of my friend. My friend, who willingly bore all of my sin; my friend, who exhibited all of the self-discipline in the world; my friend, who loved me enough to take my place. My friend, Jesus, who loves me for me - the lazy, unmotivated, imperfect, sinner - and the one who desires to do good, to inspire, to love to be more - all of me.  My friend, Jesus, died...and I wept.

I don't know what it's like to 'succeed' at your Lenten sacrificing. I do know what it's like to come up short (fail). I do know that on this Good Friday, my friend met me at the cross. 

I also know that I look forward to reconnecting with this friend....

Holy Thursday

The concept of a "Holy Week" is pretty new to this girl, raised Protestant and a new Catholic. Protestants don't make too big of a deal about Good Friday - but certainly do about Easter. So, last week when several of my students informed me that they wouldn't be in class today because it's Good Friday, I wasn't sure how to respond.

Growing up, Good Friday was an optional evening service. Granted, my family almost-always attended and that observance was very special. I can strongly remember Good Friday services, whereas I struggle to remember most others. Growing up, the only time off you needed for the observance was from about 7-8:30 pm. So, as my students requested that day off from class, I wondered, "How is your observance different from mine?"

I admit that even as a Catholic (though, one year in makes me still more familiar with the 'old way' not the 'new'), I didn't quite understand why these students would need to miss my class at 10 am. I read the bulletin; I could see that most of the "festivities" didn't really start until noon. I was skeptical. Were they just trying to skip out? (I should admit, though, these are some of my better students, so I was fairly sure they weren't just trying to skip.)

Enter: Holy Thursday. (aka my Holy Week Epiphany)

Growing up, the Thursday before Easter was just a Thursday. In high school, we had a new pastor who brought us "Maunday Thursday," and we'd have a great big feast at church (with some amazing peanut butter pie) and usually have a re-enactment of 'The Last Supper.' Once at college, the church I belonged to treated the Thursday before like...Thursday.

Even last year as a month-in-Catholic, I didn't attend Holy Thursday service. Why? Because I was swamped? Had things to do? Because my 30-year-engrained Protestant brain didn't recognize the significance? (yeah, that one)

For my non-Catholic friends out there (which are most of you), let me give you a little insight into Maunday Thursday (aka Holy Thursday). The term "maunday" is derived from the "mandate" that Jesus gave to his disciples at the last supper - love one another, as I have loved you; as I have served you, and humbled myself to wash your feet, so you should do the same for others. We also recognize on Holy Thursday the institution of the gift of the Eucharist - the body and blood, broken and shed for us.

As I worshipped, contemplated, and participated in the mass last night, I was struck by the invitation Jesus extends to us to partake of Himself, to become one with Him, to share with Him all things. Our old testament reading was from Exodus describing the time of the passover. The Israelites were to partake, but be ready to be called to go at a moment's notice. I thought, "How prepared am I to go when called? I need to be prepared to listen and go whenever I partake in the eucharist."

As I prepared to receive, I thought of Jesus - prior to being nailed to the cross - his body bleeding, whipped, bruised - broken - for me. His blood was being poured out for me. Now, He has invited me to share in this; in Him; in His act of love.

What does He ask in return?

At the end of service, our choir sang these words, "Remain with me; watch with me; stay with me," over and over again. With each strain, the words seemed to plead stronger, "Watch with me, stay with me." This was Jesus request of His friends. In His final hours, He asked his friends to just be near him; be close; watch; be here; be with me.

Can I be a friend to Jesus? Can I stay near him in his hour of need and suffering?
...or are the cares and duties and responsibilities of my life pulling me away?
For today, can I watch, and pray, and stay?



In that moment, I got it. I understand the desire to use Good Friday as a chance to block out the other distractions and focus on our Lord; to be near Him in His suffering; to watch; to pray.

May God bless you as you ponder His sacrifice of love for you today.

What's been cookin' at the Kiesling Kitchen

I love Pinterest.

I love Pinterest because I find reading recipes relaxing. Reading recipes lets me escape to this wonderful place where I have endless access to ingredients and cooking utensils. I dream about cooking things and at the end of my daydream session, I'm inspired. We had guests here 3 weeks ago and they remarked about cooking ability - and Dan really praised my abilities. Well, my ability to 'make it up' comes from reading recipes and catching what flavors work together.

Pinterest has provided me with an endless access to recipes. Now, I will share some recipes that have recently graced our table.

On the table today:

Balsamic Pot Roast and Onions - in the crock pot. In 2 hours, I will let you know if it received Dan approval. 15 minutes before we left for church, he got it ready to go - so, it's pretty quick to whip together.

For breakfast yesterday:

Baked Oatmeal in individual serving sizes. This received Dan approval! It worked really well for us because Dan's not a big fan of nuts. So, he got apples and oatmeal, and peanut butter-chocolate chips and oatmeal. I got apples, pecans and oatmeal, and peanut butter-chocolate chips, apples, pecans and oatmeal (or what I called the "garbage" baked oatmeal).

On the table last week:

Baked Parmesan-encrusted Asparagus - delicious! In fact, the week that Dan was gone, I just ate this for dinner one night. Don't worry, I had like 25 (super skinny) asparagus, so I got my fill. :) Yes, these also received Dan approval.

The breakfast we served our guests:

Bacon-egg-toast cups. AMAZING!
I transformed this recipe just a little. I had some Jiffy corn muffin mix on hand and thought, "Hmm, I bet these would be delicious with the baked egg & bacon cups." So, I mixed up the muffin mix and started baking them. They were too big to make room for the egg & canadian bacon (which, as all good, meat scientists know is not the same as ham). So, I baked the muffins and THEN baked the canadian bacon and egg. My mouth is salivating just thinking about them.

I also made this AMAZING vinagrette last week....and I didn't repin the recipe. So, I'm not sure I will ever be able to recreate it - but it is so good. It's got balsamic vinegar, paprika, salt, pepper, sugar, olive oil and sesame seeds. I made it last weekend; it's been marinating in the fridge and I used it on a salad at lunch yesterday. It was even better than last week. I will be using it this week on my 'oriental chicken salad.'

Also up this week from Pinterest


Chicken & Asparagus Stir Fry (asparagus is on sale for about $1/bunch around here)

 
Homemade Granola Balls - will be using pistachios instead of peanuts, and cranberries & apricots instead of cranberries & raisins


Better Than Everything But Sex - okay, I changed the title - Chex Mix. I am referring to this as the adult staple for Girls Nights In replacing our slumber party favorite: puppy chow. I don't have all ingredients on hand (of course) - but, I'm going to improvise just to try it out.

What's my season?

Today, I have been trying to finish the edits to my creative component. I believe, however, that I am my own worst enemy.  My attention span is only so long...and then, I need some entertainment.  As part of my distraction, I checked out pintrest and stumbled upon a color chart.

Based on the instructions from this site, I've narrowed my season to either 'Clear Winter' or 'Deep Winter.' I need some assistance. As my friends, you see things that I don't. Please comment with your opinion of my season.

Help me figure out which is my season:

Reform

This issue has been on my mind and heart a lot in the last few days. So much so that I woke up in the middle of the night and haven't been able to sleep. Instead, this message was in my heart/mind. I am writing to share this with you, in hopes that I can go back to sleep. :)

I have had some trepidation about writing about this subject because I know that there are those out there who will not only disagree with me, but vehemently disagree. Yet, I feel a need to share my own thoughts and do what (little) I can.

When this great healthcare bill was passed a few years ago, it was done so under the need for reform. At that time, it was said that the insurance companies had too much say in what procedures were allowable and what could be covered or not. At that time, it was needed to ensure coverage for all people. I am not writing to condemn the idea that all should have access to healthcare coverage - not in the least.  I am writing to say that if this bill was about reform, then, it needs to undergo further reformation.

Real reform should include options for all - not a sweeping, generalization of mass treatment for the people. The current plan does not include this option for all, but a nationwide mandate that all must obey - or else. The current provisions do not include options, either, but a one-size-fits-all coverage.

There must be options. For example, if family planning is a health-care necessity, then the option to receive counseling and services for natural family planning needs to be covered as an alternative. If there was perhaps a young couple that wanted to know how to work with their bodies to plan for (avoid until the 'right' time) pregnancy and not use the pill, as a matter of conscience, the initial and follow-up counseling sessions should be covered. This young couple could get the pill without question, but would have to pay for the counseling out-of-pocket, which they may not be able to do. If family planning is a health-care necessity, reform should take place to cover options.

Once again, this plan seems to leave not just medical, but moral decisions up to the insurance company - or in this case, the government. If tube-tying and vasectomies are provided for and are cheaper in the long run, rather than having to pay for more labor and delivery costs, who's to say the insurance company won't say, "You know, you were allotted two kids under the plan. If you don't get the surgery, you won't get covered for the next one."

It may seem outlandish, but it is the chance we take when an insurance company or government have the final say - and not ourselves. Personally, I married a fourth child and am the daughter of a fourth and sixth child, respectively. I want to be certain that my health care options allow for me to have as many children as God gives and we "plan."

I am concerned that the government has set-up a 'mother state' with this bill. It should concern all of us, whether 'our option' is covered or not, that a government with priorities that may be different from ours could have the final say in our health choices. Real reform includes options and respect for all - even those who think and believe differently from ourselves.

If interested, I encourage you to consider signing this petition with whitehouse.gov.

The first amendment states: Congress shall make no law regarding the establishment of a religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

A Tribute to Grandpa Joe

This post is about a year and half late. My grandfather, Joe Kremer, passed away on June 30, 2010. I had the privilege to speak at his wake about his life, legacy, and lessons learned. This will be a long read, but I hope you will enjoy it.

Grandpa’s Tribute

While interviewing for an FFA District Office my junior year of high school, I was asked to name my hero and explain why I chose that particular person.  Without hesitation, I explained that my grandfather, Joe Kremer, was my hero.  He is my hero for 3 reasons:

1)      He had experienced and overcome much adversity in his life.

2)      He served his community and state with integrity and stood up for what he believed to be true and right.

3)      He was one of the wisest men that I knew, though he had only a high school education.

Very few of us have the privilege for meeting our heroes, let alone the chance to call him “Grandpa;” to see him in the public eye and also to share in the intimacy of dinner-time prayers and laughter around the table.

What elevated my grandpa from just a “cool Grandpa” who served in the gold-domed capitol to hero status was a story about when his leg became caught in the post-hole digger.  If you know Joe Kremer, then you know that he’s a story-teller. This story has been told around our family table many times, with my aunts and uncle adding in color commentary.

Grandpa had been digging post-holes and my aunt Barb, who was about 7 at the time, went to help him.  The post-hole digger got stuck and Grandpa went to check it out & fix it. His leg ended up getting caught in the digger.  Barb saved his life that day by shutting off the tractor and running for help.  While in surgery, the doctors worked tirelessly to save his leg – and lost count when they had put in more than 2000 stitches.  Doctors told my grandma, “IF he lives, he will most likely never walk.  IF he does walk, it will always be with a limp.”

My favorite part of the story, though, is this:  Grandpa was suffering from intense pain and doctors weren’t sure if he’d make it.  Grandpa said, “That Sunday, the people of St. Anthanasius Church prayed for me at 10:30 – and at 10:30 that morning, my pain eased and my prognosis turned around.”  Not only did he recover, but he walked again – and without a limp, for many years.  That story taught me two things:  1) God answers the prayers of His people; 2)  He had big plans for my grandpa – and ‘God works all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose.’  That Joe Kremer – he defied the odds.

The motto for the state of Iowa is “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain.”  This past week, I heard it said that every true Iowan has a fire in their belly for personal liberty and protecting our rights.  In that case, my grandpa was indeed a true Iowan.  He was a statesman; he didn’t run for any office, whether in the county or to represent District 27 in the Legislature – for personal gain or fame.  He sought to ensure that the rights and liberties that God has granted intended for our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness were maintained.  He believed that a man’s integrity, character and record were enough to be elected by the people.  He had no interest in smearing an opponent; the truth can speak for itself.

Growing up, I had immense pride in the fact that my grandpa was a state legislator. I loved going to the capitol; loved seeing him be sworn in – and then bragging about it to anyone who’d listen.  Through the years, he was always my “go-to” interview for anything leadership or character related.  As an adult, I’ve realized that Grandpa’s service in office instilled in me the belief that we can impact government; that those elected should work in the best interest of preserving the rights of people; that the power for change lies within us and not an institution; and that to lead is to serve.

A few years ago, I asked Grandpa what he believed shaped these convictions for him. He responded:

“Most of the better attributes for which you give me credit were inherited graces from a loving and service-dedicated mother and an extremely strict and non-nonsense father.  In retrospect, it is their guidance and strict Catholic discipline that were, although unknown to me at the time, shaping my fundamental philosophy of life.  It is this:  we are put into this world to help one another.

This, I must admit, is something I see in retrospect.  I never really considered it a virtue, rather, it always appeared to me as a duty.  I was fortunate enough to learn from my parents, and my religious upbringing that we cannot exceed the generosity of God.  I have never prayed for power or wealth, but do admit that I have often asked the Lord for the privilege of living a life of comparable comfort. That has been granted.  I have a loving and helpful spouse to share these final years, and hopefully, enough financial resources that I may never be a burden to anyone.  It is my prayer that this last request be granted.

In summary, I will say this, I have attempted to keep as my guide the greatest commandment of all, “Love the Lord thy God with your whole mind, heart and soul and your neighbor as yourself.”  For this I am most truly grateful.  (And that I have been able to retain my sense of humor and ability to ‘laugh at life.’) “

Joe Kremer was a pillar in his community, church and state.  First, though, he was a pillar in his family.  With wisdom, he acted on behalf of his constituents.  With wisdom, he built his household.  I believe God saw the way he sought to honor Him first in the way he led his family that he elevated Grandpa to the service of many.

I had the privilege to know my hero.  The legs that were predicted to never walk again, we clung to. In my favorite “Grandpa” game,  Grandpa would sit in his chair, wrap his legs around anyone sitting close to him, and holler, ‘I’ve got a prisoner! I’ve got a prisoner!’  The man who spoke with serious words in the statehouse, wrote love letters to Grandma and penned phrases like, “What a peculiar bird the pelican, his beak can hold more than his belly can!”

Grandpa definitely kept that sense of humor.  One day, totally out of the blue, Cindy decided to call Grandpa, “Grandpa McGillicuddy.”  Our gaggle of girl cousins quickly picked up on it and would taunt Grandpa with “Grandpa McGillicuddy!”  Every time, we’d call it out – he’d bellar, “WHO said THAT?!” We’d shriek and laugh – and then Grandpa would usually say, “Grandma! Those kids are pickin’ on me, again!”  The game eventually faded – but the name stuck.  You all might refer to him as Joe, but to us, he will always be Grandpa McGillicuddy.

He also centered our family around God.  At dinner time, he’d say, “Well, we’re all gonna pray. If you don’t pray, you don’t eat!”  And you knew that he meant it! At his birthday a few years ago, our entire family all attended mass together.  That day after church, I saw tears shining in his eyes as he said, “It’s just so good to have the whole family worshipping together.”

Grandpa’s gift of story-telling passed down to his children. The stories of Grandpa’s strict, no-nonsense discipline are in no shortage. He was very practical and told it like it was.  When my mom was in college, my dad sent her flowers. Grandpa quipped, “Well, flowers don’t put food on the table, now, do they?”

Grandpa wasn’t the one you went to when you were looking for sympathy. But, he told you the truth even when you didn’t want to hear it. …and in my experience, he was usually right.  My first “real” job out of college wasn’t going too well; there was miscommunication and undefined expectations – and some “interesting” people to try and work with.  As our family gathered one weekend, I sought some advice.  Grandpa asked me what was going on; I explained; and he said, “Well, it sounds to me like this is your penance.”

My 22-year-old brilliance responded, “Grandpa, I don’t believe in penance. I believe in grace.” 

As my understanding and faith have matured, I now see his wisdom.  Grandpa knew better than most that life brings us trials and adversity.  God allows these because they are opportunities for us to strengthen our feeble knees and weak arms, so that we may stand firm in our faith until the end (Hebrews 12). From his life experience, he knew the truth St. Paul wrote in Romans 5:

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope – and our hope does not disappoint us because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.

For while we were still weak, Christ died for the ungodly.  God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have been justified by His blood, how much more then will we be saved from wrath! For, if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life.“

Our hope does not disappoint.  In fact, in 1 Corinthians, Paul says that hope, along with faith and love, are one of the three things that remain. HOPE.  I don’t think Grandpa is disappointed today.  I think he is finding that he can ‘walk and not grow weary; run and not faint.’  I think he has realized that all of his sufferings and trials here have earned him a crown of glory in heaven.

The hardest thing on earth is to watch your revered and beloved hero grow old and suffer.  Knowing that Grandpa didn’t want to be a burden has caused me to wrestle with God in prayer about why.  Over time, I’ve realized that 1) we witnessed a miracle – Joe Kremer once again defied the medical odds; and 2) it was for us.  Though his strength had diminished, we all still looked to him as the pillar of our family.  His passing leaves a hole – a gap to be filled.  As I’ve reflected on this, I don’t believe that this gap is meant to be filled by one.  Each of us, in some degree or another, holds these attributes of Grandpa’s – a lover of history and country; a servant leader; one who stands up for truth and what’s right; that dry, clever wit; the ability to tell it like it is; the endurance to overcome great adversity; and a stubborn, hold-on-for-dear-life, don’t give up yet will.  It is our legacy – and the privilege of our inheritance – to rise up together and stand for truth, as Grandpa did.  It is a great privilege, with great responsibility, but following in his footsteps by daily living out the greatest commandment, we will do it.

Pinterest comes to life

So, I am finally getting into Pinterest. AND I'm actually making some of the things that I've pinned.
Here's a sampling of what's been going down in my kitchen...and what I've been subjecting Dan to. Here's a little hit: it rhymes with teen-law. You guessed it: quinoa! :)



Superfoods Salad - courtesy of IowaGirlEats. I first made this delicious salad on MLK Day and again this past weekend. The superfoods featured included quinoa, pomegranate, avocado, oranges, black beans, corn, cilantro and shrimp AND a lemon vinaigrette. (If this is spelled wrong, please forgive me. My spelling skills have flown out the window.)
This salad is DELICIOUS. I love it. Dan's response: "This is really...tart. Don't you think this is tart? It's good..." he says as he eats half as much as I do.



Breakfast Quinoa - This was also delicious and very reminiscent of oatmeal. It includes apricots, almonds, maple syrup, and topped with ricotta.
If you know me, you know that I never have everything needed on hand. In this case, I had no pure maple syrup. I swapped agave, a dash of vanilla, and a dash of rum flavoring. Worked well. :) When I've reheated the quinoa this week, I've added a dash of almond milk. So good.
Dan's reaction: "This tastes like oatmeal." (in a good way)
My response after practically licking the bowl clean: "It's really good!" Dan: "Yeah, yeah it is."



Sesame Chicken - This was good. I would add some corn starch to the marinade. It was really thin. Don't get me wrong it tasted good - but could be improved. Dan agreed.


"Mac" and Cheese - This is another recipe courtesy of iowagirleats.com. AND another recipe that includes quinoa. This was really good. We used asiago and cheddar cheeses in the recipe. Honestly, this would be delicious with corn added in - as a healthier remake of corn casserole, my favorite food in junior high. :)

AND if you thought this was getting a little too healthy up in here...

Jalapeno Poppers! This recipe is courtesy of kitchentutor.wordpress.com.

What about the Super Bowl, Jessica?

Glad you asked! It may be some more of these jalapeno poppers, or little cheddar smokies in a blanket, or a version of Old Chicago's pepperonie rolls. Leanin' toward those pepperoni rolls right now.

Thoughts from Mark 1:40-45

A leper came to him [Jesus] [and kneeling down] begged him and said, "If you wish, you can make me clean." Moved with compassion, he [Jesus] stretched out his hand, touched him, and said to him, "I do will it. Be made clean." The leprosy left him immediately, and he was made clean.
Then, warning him sternly, Jesus dismissed him at once. Then Jesus said to him, "See that you tell noone anything, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleasing what Moses prescribed; that will be proof for them."
The man went away and began to publicize the whole matter. He spread the report abroad so that it was impossible for Jesus to enter a town openly. He remained outside in deserted places, and people kept coming to him from everywhere.

Reading this passage yesterday, I had two thoughts. The first was reminiscent of Mother Theresa's prayer; in the vein of "you can heal people from leprosy and ask them to be quiet; they won't; heal anyway." How often do I evaulate whether or not I should do good to/for someone based on how they will use my gift?

There's this reasonable justification (of not being charitable) that if the person is just going to abuse our charity, then we don't have to give to them. Because, really, we aren't doing good, we are just perpetuating a problem, addiction, etc. How do I know, though? How do I know that my small act of kindness could/couldn't be a turning point? We don't. We don't know how anyone will use a gift once it's been offered. Is that a reason to not offer the gift anyway?

It seems that Jesus would say no, based on his actions in this passage. It can be argued that, as the Son of the God of the Universe, who is all-knowing and all-powerful, that he knew how he leper would act. If that is true...and he knew that it'd play out that he would end up having to hang out in the deserted places from that point on...and he still healed anyway, well, that demolishes my end-use denotes justification of giving argument. Even if he didn't know how it would play out, given that the leper had free-will to choose his response, it's possible that Jesus, being a wise man, knew the two consequences (perhaps not the full extent) of the man's actions, either way. He still healed him. 

My second thought centered on the order to "go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses prescribed." I think in the past I've interpreted as Jesus the antagonist, "Show them what happened - in their face." Which is a completely WRONG interpretation, BTW.

The note in my Bible says this, "The law of Moses provided for the ritual purification of a leper. In curing the leper, Jesus assumes that the priests will reinstate the cured man into the religious community." Hmmm.... The reason to heal and then go the priests was so that the man could be welcomed back, as a participating member, into the religious community. Being leperous had isolated the man from the community of believers; being healed and fulfilling the law through the thank-offering provided the avenue for him to be reconciled back to the community.

Which was more important - to be healed - or to fulfill the law by showing himself to the priest? Obviously, the man thought that the healing was more important because he didn't do the latter. It seems that Jesus would have thought otherwise. Certainly, to be healed was miraculous; a life-changer; but it wasn't a life-fulfiller...being an active member of the believing community was.

Which is more important - to be saved - or to be a participating member of the church?
First, that really the question. It isn't a more important than; it is more of an equation, "a" must come first, but "b" must come for "a" to reach its fulfillment.

To conclude, lately the YouTube video 'I hate religion but love Jesus' is getting a lot of attention. I just would like to say this. Jesus was religious. From what we know through the four gospels, his parents met the letter of the law when he was born; they observed the Sabbath and religious holidays. Jesus and his disciples did the same. He was religious; the disciples, the first Christians were religious. He did not come to abolish religion; he came to fulfill it. He said it himself that He came, not to abolish the law, but to fulfill the law and the prophets.

I will grant that Jesus hated empty religion. Most definitely, Jesus examplified living in relationship with the Father and operating under the guidance and power of the Holy Spirit. However, I think He showed that this relationship brings about fulfillment to religious practices, customs and culture.

Thursday's Thoughts

1) I took a learning styles analysis once and discovered that I am a reflective decision-maker. It means that I need time to make decisions and don't do well making choices on the spot. I think it also means that I am better at appreciating life events and people after the fact when I have time to think about it.

1a) I am a natural reflector. Reflecting upon experiences is a huge part of agriculture education. I guess that means I am a natural ag educator. :-)

1b) As a natural reflector, one of my faults is over-thinking. I have come to this realization, however, God made me a reflector so that I can share my life lessons and thoughts with others. Made to be a blessing.

2) I need longer pants. I love my Ann Taylor khakis, but I look like a total dork when I wear them with my tennis shoes. I feel like I am in 8th grade again. I'm just glad that Matt Downing doesn't work in my building so he can make fun of them.

The Funny Thing About...

Roots.
Sense of Place.
Weather.
Homesickness.
Lady-emotions.
Identity.

On January 1, it was 80 degrees here: a record.
On January 2, it was 77 degrees here. I cried.

Why? Because, it was the SECOND DAY of JANUARY! January 2nd is supposed to be COLD. At least where I am from. You are not supposed to be wanting to wear short sleeves, sunglasses because it's so incredibly sunny - and you are definitely not supposed to be loathing the presence of said sun and warmth.

But I was.

Because right now, the hardest part of living in Tucson, Arizona is that it is not Iowa - or the upper Midwest. Everything about it is not Iowa...not home...not familiar. All I wanted on January 2nd was a reminder of the familiar.

I do not handle change and unknowns and beginnings very well.

On December 31st, I was LOVING the fact that I could swing out on my hammock in shirt sleeves. I was grateful for the path that God had brought me on during the crazy, intense year of 2011. I could look back with such a grateful heart.

One thing that I have learned about myself through this past year is that I am not very good about being in the present. In the present, I am incredibly reactionary. In reflection, I can see the lesson, recognize the proper response, recognize God's grace in the moment, and be thankful, peaceful, expectant for the future.

Apparently, the difference in those two days - the change to a new year - had quite the emotional effect. A new year brings an entire year full of unknowns. My naturally worried heart wonders how  IF God will show up; what new things will come about; if it will be as hard as the past year; if it will be harder. (And I hate a brand new calendar full of open dates; it's so unpredictable.) My natural heart is anxious, fearful, wondering...doubtful.

Even though God brought me through 2011 and I can rationally recognize His faithfulness, I don't think I've believed it all to be good. I don't think I trust God's goodness for me. I don't think I believe God that being here is good for me. It's not home; I'm not surrounded by familiarity. I miss the familiar and predictable.

It's so easy to identify ourselves by place. I love being from the Midwest. I love everything that it stands for. I want to raise my family there. It's easy; it's familiar; it's routine. It's easy.

Easy is not always best. Full schedules do not equal full lives. I desire to control, strength, safety, comfort, ease. Being empty means that I could be open to whatever God has planned for my day; not what I have over-committed myself to that day. However, it requires vulnerability, openness and willingness. It requires that I TRUST and BELIEVE in the GOODNESS of GOD and His LOVING intentions for not just my life - but for all - and that He desires to involve me in His intentional plan to love, do good, and show mercy to others.

2012. Five days in and you're already challenging me to embrace my loving Savior. I guess that's why they I say, "Delve into Twelve!"