Except for the Lord

 

I know, right? I skipped D. I am contemplating whether to dedicate the post to Dan or to a recent experience we had. I’ll come back to it. I promise.

There is a song that we sing at church with the line, “Except for the Lord” [Come to the Water, by Matt Maher]. Until today, I have quite grasped the meaning. Today, I pondered, “God, make this clear to me.” So, He did.

Oh let all who thirst, let them come to the water.

And let all who have nothing, let them come to the Lord.

Without money, without price

Why should you pay the price, except for the Lord.

 

And let all who seek, let them come to the water.

And let all who have nothing, let them come to the Lord.

Without money, without strife

Why should you spend your life, except for the Lord.

 

And let all who toil, let them come to the water.

And let all who are weary, let them come to the Lord. 

All who labor, without rest 

How can your soul find rest, except for the Lord.

 

And let all the poor, let them come to the water.

Bring the ones who are laden, bring them all to the Lord.

Bring the children, without might

Easy the load and light, come to the Lord.

 

Except for the Lord, how can our souls find rest?

How can we come to the water; to the Father; except that the Father draws us?

Why would we give our lives to follow, to trust, to obey the Lord except that the Truth of the Lord has been imprinted upon our very hearts? 

Why would we choose to suffer so that we could bring others to the water, to the Lord? Except that the Lord has transformed us, it makes no sense.

Except; apart; because of; due to. Apart from the Lord, we cannot find rest; relief; freedom; purpose. Because of the Lord, we have rest; relief, freedom, purpose. Due to the Lord, our purpose is to live not for ourselves.

 

C is for Confession

 

I have a friend who is needs to know she is forgiven. She can only know this forgiveness by confessing her sin. Her sin is blinding her from Truth; deceiving her; convincing her she is separated from the Love, the Mercy, the Goodness of God.

My heart breaks for her.  I, too, have been in her position. I, too, have wondered if I could really be forgiven for so willfully choosing to not believe, to disobey, to deny God. I have wondered if I could ever be brought back from such a place of darkness. The darkness I refer to is that deep darkness in our soul when we believe that we have severed ourselves from Christ because of what we have done.

This is deception. We, though sinners; we, though sinners in the midst of our sin; we, though sinners in the present mire, in the depth of even loving our sin; THIS state of choosing sin over God – THIS was when Christ died for us. At the height of our disobedience, this was when Jesus Christ chose to love us – and demonstrate this love by giving His life for us.

Who could love us when we couldn’t even begin to think about loving? Who could love us while we scream, “We hate you! We want nothing to do with you! Get out of my life! DIE – for all I care!”

Who could do that while enduring the most painful, humiliating, public death – while being mocked? We utterly rejected him and esteemed him not; yet, he LOVED. He gave for us in that very moment. In that very moment, He gave his life for us. In that very moment, He forgave us.

Who could do that but God Himself?

Only Jesus. Only Jesus, the only begotten son; God from God; Light from Light; True God from True God; consubstantial with the Father; through him all things were made; for us men, and for our salvation, He came down from Heaven; by the Holy Spirit, he became incarnate of the virgin Mary, and became man. For our sake and our salvation, He suffered under Pontius Pilate; he was crucified; died; and was buried. On the third day, He rose again. He ascended into Heaven and will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead; and his kingdom will have no end.

Because of Jesus’ work on the cross, sin needs no longer separate us from the love of God in Christ our Lord. When I felt separated from Jesus because of my sin, the only thing that set me free was this word of God. I had so deceived myself that I was “unforgiveable”; my sin too great; because I should have known better, I was a believer for goodness’ sake – my sin too late.

And then, God brought this to my attention:

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life; nor angels; nor principalities; nor present things; nor future things; nor powers; nor height; nor depth; nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”        –Romans 8:38-39

And I was struck dumb. Right there it was! NO CREATURE (the version read that day actually read ‘no created thing’). NOT. EVEN. ME. could separate myself from the Love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord. NOT EVEN ME. NOT EVEN my present sin or future sin; that separation has been dissolved through the cross of Christ. Sure, I could choose to deny it; I could choose to reject it – but that would not erase the Truth that the LOVE existed. That love is there for me to embrace. It exists whether or not I assent to it.

So, why – WHY – would I reject the [only] One who could love me so completely and thoroughly…and knowingly aware of all that I am, good and bad, and all that I am not, good and bad?

I could not. I fell on my knees that day enamored and in awe of my Lord, and Savior Jesus Christ understand for the first time the depth of His love that has existed – and will exist – from everlasting to everlasting.

B is for Blessing

 

I had a discussion this week with a friend who was discussing how she felt being showered by gifts with the upcoming birth of her daughter. “I feel bad,” she said. “Some of these people don’t even know me, and they are giving me really expensive gifts. Some are willing to let my baby stay in their offices while I work. I feel BAD. She is my responsibility; not theirs.”

My friend is a college student; about 2 years from receiving her degree. Upon discovering she was pregnant chose to keep her baby, and made the choice to raise her – in spite of future hardships. She works in our school. Many of us were inspired by her strength and this desire to be faithful.

As I watched people rise up to meet her needs, I was reminded of how/why God designed the Church. For us. Of Us. To be the very literal hands and feet of Christ to each other; for each other; meeting each other in our deep needs; in areas that we cannot meet on our own. He sees. He knows. He instills desires in the hearts of others. He provides. He blesses.

I reminded my friend of this truth. To feel bad, rather than blessed, is to diminish the gift and the giver. God has just extended a hand to you – and you say, “I can’t. I feel bad. You shouldn’t be this nice.” Well, perhaps He shouldn’t – but He DOES because that is EXACTLY WHO HE IS. The Lord is GRACIOUS; slow to anger and ABOUNDING IN LOVE. We can’t even wrap our minds around what it means to ABOUND in LOVE…

Grace is unmerited, undeserved favor. We don’t “deserve” reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration, good gifts. Our works, however many or few, don’t determine that grace that naturally flows from God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. His grace spills out of Him, into us.

To feel bad for a gift intended to be a blessing is like slapping God in the face. I asked her if she knew that it was God offering this gift, would she feel bad and reject it? She said, “No.” I exhorted her to ask God to give her the ability to view these acts of kindness as blessings, and to help her let go of the need to feel “deserving” or “worthy” – but to feel blessed; showered by grace.

May you be blessed today, my friends.

Blogging Challenge: A to Z

 

I tend not to take on blogging challenges that require me to stick to a certain format within a time limit. C’mon, my 3rd highest strength is “adaptability” for goodness’ sake, which means that I am very flexible and great at short projects (but not [necessarily] good with long term commitments).

However, my friend Lisa has taken on this challenge at A to Z and is currently ready for letter “M.” She began the challenge on Easter Monday and will end on April 30. I have been very blessed reading her thoughts every day and how God has been teaching and leading her through this challenge.

As I have reflected on what may very well be the strangest weeks of my life, a theme for several letters has come to mind. So, I’m going to jump right in – and in true, non-conformity, I will give you several letters/lessons all at once.

A is for Anonymous

On Friday morning, I read an anonymous comment on my last post (to say “recent” would be remiss since I think it has been 3 weeks since I wrote it). Here it is:

Anonymous said...

You are a heavenly presence. Bet your advisees sort of regard you a god - which I mean in all due respect to God. You are His likeness for sure, sweetie.

April 10, 2013 at 4:17 PM

I have no idea who wrote this. I am touched – honored – even that they could garner who I am in just a few posts. Or perhaps Anonymous has known me for quite a while, and is simply reiterating what they have seen in action and in words. I do not know – and I am content knowing. As this person “saw my good works and glorified my Father in Heaven,” (Matthew 5:17) so I will do; as I thank God for seeing, for noticing, and for leading His child to speak words of encouragement to me.

 

Gifts from Heaven

As I said, the day after our trailer was robbed, Dan's uncle passed away. Remembering that old wives' tale about bad things coming in threes, I was dreading what could possibly come on Thursday. Dan was travelling to Michigan. Would that be the badness? Would something go wrong?

Ah, worry. You come so naturally to me.

It wasn't the badness.

In fact, no badness came on Thursday. Only goodness came on Thursday. I was meeting with a student regarding academic probation and what had contributed to poor performance. As we talked, I felt led to ask about the student's spiritual life (which rarely happens). The student shared that she didn't have one, but really wanted one. It was a great time to share, to listen, and encourage. I offered that if she was ever interested in learning more, I would be willing to meet with her.

It was such a blessing to my heart. I needed that, on that day, in that week. Too much had happened too quickly to have me doubting our call, our place.

In the past year, two very special men have passed from this life. Shortly after both, I have 'divine appointments' as I like to call them (since they are advising appointments), where students approach me in a position of needing spiritual advice, not just academic. These are opportunities are true gifts - treasures - for me. To have this depth of impact and influence, that is truly special to me.

This is what I imagine happening up in Heaven around this time. Our loved ones go to Heaven and get to have a special meeting with Jesus. During their special one-on-one time with Jesus, He says, "So, F.C.," or "So, Conrad, who would you like to bless today? Who of your loved ones needs special encouragement, to hear from me?"

That's what I imagine. We don't know quite know what Heaven will be like, but based on my recent experiences, I'd like to imagine that as we worship at the feet of Jesus - that we get the opportunity to intercede in prayer for those on earth and to converse with our Lord.

Sleepless

Well, it's 4 am here; friends in family in Iowa and Michigan are just starting their days and I am wondering why mine isn't continuing in slumber. This is now the 3rd night of 4 where I have awoken in the early morning hours, unable to get back to sleep. So, I have used the time to pray, to journal, to worry, to read.

Not sleeping when I should makes me anxious. Especially when I am sick - and right now I am recovering from a cold. I took yesterday off to rest and recuperate since yesterday morning I awoke at 2 am and didn't get back to sleep until around 4:30 or so.

Anyway, I didn't really come on here to lament about my present state, but rather to just wonder and commemorate what God has done in the last 6 weeks.

Six weeks ago, our cargo trailer was stolen (which I wrote about in our last blog). The following day, while getting ready for work, we received a call that Dan's Uncle Conrad had passed away. He had fought a long battle with health, and I know that he is now at rest with God. However, that never makes our losses (here on earth) easier to take. He loved to talk about farming, to which I never had much to offer, but I enjoyed listening to Dan and him.

I loved him. He didn't want anyone being bothered about him, or to put any one out (again, like my grandfathers) - and I think that's why I wanted to give him special attention. Everybody wants to be listened to, and that was a gift that I could give.

Dan was able to travel back to Michigan for the funeral. It was really important to us that we go - well, at least one of "we." Conrad was important to and loved by us both; we wanted to recognize his life and acknowledge its importance. We didn't "have" to; we chose to. We honor those in our lives by the time that we give them, in life and in death.

February Lessons: robbed

As I sit here on nearly the last day of February, I wondered why I felt so exhausted. Then, I looked back on our month and remembered that it has been one intense month. Thank God it was short.

On January 31, we met with a mortage lender in Tucson and found out what sort of loans we could qualify for, how much would need to be put down, so that we could purchase our first home. What a high! That weekend, I got knocked out with the stomach flu and didn't leave the house for 2 days.

On Tuesday morning, February 5th - we discovered that the cargo trailer my dad purchased for the wedding and my big move to Tucson was gone. Gone? STOLEN. Right from in front of our house. Locked and everthing. GONE.

I couldn't believe it. The best way to describe the feeling felt that morning would be violated. Trespassed upon. Ripped from our grasp. Lost. Alone. Isolated.

That morning, I had read this from Hebrews 12:4: You have not yet struggled to the point of shedding blood.

In the midst of my tears and anguish, I found some shreds of hope as I journaled. Here is what I wrote:

Today, we discovered that our cargo trailer had been stolen.
Frustrating; maddening; scary; disheartening.
We lost stuff: gifts given to us for use in our new home, for our new life together; gifts given in love. [4 place settings of our china; 45-piece set of our 'every day dishes'; the entire Willow Tree nativity]We lost some heirlooms [2 quilts made my great-aunt and great-grandmother; an apron made by my great-grandmother]; some very precious gifts [the ornament Dan used to propose to me].
Things that we won't get back. The good news? The love in which those gifts were given, we have that. We hold that in our hearts. That cannot be taken or stolen from us.

It makes me sad. mad. It makes me loathe this place; compare it to my beloved Iowa. This would never happen there.

The thing is...break-ins happen in Iowa. Would a trailer be stolen out of someone's yard? Probably not. But, is that the point?

I struggle with being here. Only recently have I started to come to peace with putting 'roots' here for a while; to make this place my home. Then, this happens. And I am disheartened. discouraged. ready to throw in the towel.

And I think of today's reading from Heberws:
"Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, we press on, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith - who endured the cross - scorning its shame - and has been seated at the right hand of God.  Let us consider him, and strengthen our feeble knees and weak arms. We have not yet been tried to the point of shedding blood."

I can choose to be disheartened, discouraged, angry and bitter. OR I can look to my Jesus, my Savior, and find a hope beyond this life.

When stuff gets stolen, our sense of security is shaken - shattered.  But, God has protected our lives. And, I believe that He has plans for us; He has plans for us IN Tucson. I believe that He can make good out of all circumstances.

So, on this truth and hope, I stand. I have a God who is faithful, merciful, loving, just; He is Redeemer; He makes streams flow in deserts; He makes love bloom and light shine in even the dark and hopeless places. Come, Lord Jesus; reign in this heart.

LAME-NT

What is the most popular discussion during "Happy Hour" on a Friday after a long week? WORK. We love it; we hate; we love to lament about it.

For those working with college students, we lament about the students. In particular, we like to lament about how this generation is SO different from us! We were never self-righteous, indignant, lazy! NEVER! We certainly weren't grade-grubbers. We took the grades that we earned - good or bad.

Well...maybe, a look in the mirror is necessary. http://users.ece.gatech.edu/mleach/myturn/makingthegrade.html This particular article notes quite well the behavior I notice in my students. However, it was written in 1996! That means this way of thinking and acting was alive and active even during the "golden era" of college (i.e. the years 1998-2002 when I was an undergrad).

Maybe I wasn't a grade-grubber...but, self-righteous? Indignant? Lazy? Yes.

It took some really good instructors to work that out of me. I didn't love learning when I entered undergrad - but I did by the time I exited. I didn't know what learning was as a freshman! Certainly, I had learned lessons from life, and I had acquired knowledge from classes. However, my mode of "learning" was to memorize information, regurgitate onto the test - and then, rinse & repeat for the next round. I was pretty good at that. (Even good instructors can teach the the self-righteous out of me.)

Those good instructors introduced me to something new: thinking. Thinking about learning. Defending my decisions/thoughts/opinions with reasons. Sure, I thought a lot. But, I didn't think about what I was learning (in class). This idea of reflecting - of becoming an active participant in my learning (and thus my grade) - this was a new concept. This idea of making meaning from experiences and then applying this meaning to understand concepts - and other experiences - this was new.

I take my role as an instructor very seriously. It is my opportunity to teach my students how to learn; my attempt to "teach out of them" that laziness, indignant behavior...but, I can't do it alone. They have to be an active participant...and so far, I've found that 95% of them are willing.

Tops in 2012

A friend of mine with a wildly successful blog mentioned the usefulness of reviewing your top posts from the past year to determine what people really enjoy reading.

Without further ado:

1. What’s my season? TWO-HUNDRED EIGHTY-EIGHT views and counting! BTW – this past fall my preceptor and I decided that I am most likely a deep winter based on complexion colors. But, I wear more from the “clear winter family” – and really, what’s the biggest difference between the two? NOT.MUCH.

2. Friday Fail. 58 views. Either you like posts about REAL life (which I’m sure you do), or you were just attracted to that awesome picture of the rotisserie chicken.

3. Holy Thursday. 53 views. Speaking of real life, Christ is life. Message clear: you like reading about real life experiences and reflections.

4. FC’s Impact. 48. Another example of real life – recognizing the impact my college mentor had upon my life, grieving in gratitude for the man that he was and the life he now has.

3-way tie for 5th place

5. DIY Gallery Shelves. 47. This speaks for itself. Since the advent of Pinterest, anything DIY blow up the views. …and, in the coming year, I hope to be EVEN MORE creative – so be on the look-out!

5b. Kiesling Kitchen. See comments on the shelves. Cooking is DIY, after all! This even garnered my first comment-from-the-outside-world (i.e. someone I have never met).

5c. Tetanus Tuesday. You LOVE my dramatization of our lives! That’s great because I tend to be dramatic.

Tie for 8th: You like hearing about what we’re up to. That’s nice, since distance separates us.

8. Mother Goose & Michi-Gander. 41 – examples of what a visit to Tucson looks like.

8b. Juno

…and #10: Mini-moon, March Madness…like so many other of the top posts, you like hearing about our life. I’ll keep that in mind and try to post more!

Painting & Wine: A Perfect Girls Night

A few years ago, a friend of mine attending a “wine and painting” night. I saw pictures on Facebook and fell in love. Some day, some where, I was going to paint and drink wine, too! After moving to Tucson, I figured that there must be a place in this city that would offer such a deal. Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a Living Social deal, for half-off a wine & painting class for me and a dear!

I knew that Dan was not the ideal companion for an evening like this. Instead, it would be perfect for my friend/colleague Maureen, Allison and Meredith. Indeed, it was! We had an excellent time and came home with lovely finished products.

We were “assigned” a rooster. While we could have chosen another subject, it was highly recommended to paint a rooster – because it could be easily finished in 2.5 hours. This was my first time using oils – and I really enjoyed it. The experience really brought me back to my high school art classes, the best part of my day. Being able to create and be expressive – with friends – was such a great night & an excellent end to the semester.

First, we outlined the chicken and feathers. Then, we chose a time of day: morning or evening. Can you guess what mine was?

Above left: Allison; Above right: Maureen; Bottom left: Meredith

There was also a couple on a date joining us.

You Can Paint is using this for all of their date night group photos! Such a trendsetter.

Here’s a closer of view of my painting. Today, Dan told me that this is most impressive thing I’ve done (creatively) – since we started dating AND that he wants to display this in his office.